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Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
I don`t always get to drink free beer... But I just happen to know my neighbor went to the night shift, and I saw him filling his fridge today.
Alcohol is never the answer...unless, of course, you ask what I`ll be doing tonight.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!