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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Reasons to get out of bed: Food.
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance...The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, `Well, she`s there`
If Facebook changed "poke" to "stab" I would use it all the time.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
Just read an article about a new species of spider in Sri Lanka that is the size of an average human`s face. In an unrelated matter, I have decided to NEVER visit Sri Lanka.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.