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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
All the guys in working out photos look like they`re straining or in pain, but there`s lots of pictures of me with cake and I look happy. Just saying.
Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. A broken heart makes you wiser. And alcohol makes you not remember any of that sh!t.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
McDonald`s sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
Question everything...Or should you?