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They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
I can`t believe I was late for work tomorrow..
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
No great story started with someone drinking water.
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No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?