Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
Me: "Why do all the people I love leave me?!" UPS Guy: "Please Mam, just sign"
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Remeber that time we came to work and we were excited? Me neither.
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
The girl at the Taco Bell drive thru gave me this “I know your high” look. I snatched my 37 crunchy tacos and got out of there.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.
Why do we call it the Sun instead of a space heater?