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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
I miss the old days when street gangs asserted their dominance through aggressive hair combing.
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
When a male octopus finds a mate, he rips off his happy place and throws it at the female octopus so she can inseminate herself. Then the male grows a new happy place. If that isn`t the most epic way to tell someone to go $*&# themselves, I don`t know what is!
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.