Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you have tits. Simple as that
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
If your father is poor, Its your fate, but if your father-in-law is poor, then its your fault!
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..