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I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
Anyone else ever thought about farting into one of those plastic cylinders at the bank drive-thru?
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
Did you know: Your life expectancy decreases every time you ... PISS ME OFF
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
"But why?" - Me at weddings
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
Every time I get a paper cut, I know somewhere a tree is laughing.
The bouncer from my local nightclub calls me Macaulay Culkin because I always go home alone.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.