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scream outloud and really fast "I won a math debate"
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
I`ll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can`t live without
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Its not you, it`s how you don`t make me sandwiches.
Just a reminder that you don’t have to tell Facebook goodnight. You can just stop talking.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
A smile is the same in every language, I`m pretty sure the pee pee dance is too
homework wont kill me, but why take the risk!
My Wife asked, "Would you like a romantic interlude?" I said, "Does a bear crap in the woods?". Wish I`d just said `Yes`, she`s been on Google ever since.