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The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Is a roasted peanut like a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts?
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
I`m sorry but sh!ts and giggles don`t sound like things I want to have happen at the same time.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress just so that I’d have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
I would like to publicly apologize to anyone I have NOT offended…I will get to you shortly.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?