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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
Once I made a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
Don`t believe everything you think.
When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
I`m disgusted by the thought of people updating their status while sitting on the toilet like I am right now.
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.