Daily Silly Status

I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.

As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."

The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort

I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"

I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.

The girl on the flyer is never at the club.

received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.

If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?

You can always count on me to feel you up when you`re feeling down

According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me

My “I hate you” face must look a lot like my “I’m loving this conversation” face.

According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.

Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven

I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol

I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks