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A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
Thank God I still have 20 days to achieve my goal of "going to the gym in 2013."
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby or a dog...
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.