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Was the little pig who decided to built his house out of straw some sort of f***ing idiot?
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
I have to hand it to people who lead a double life ... I can barely handle the one I have.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
It`s been an exhausting day of pretending I`m a pleasant person.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
I wonder what the inventor of the drawing board said when his first design didn’t work out.