Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Every time I`m about to win an argument with my wife someone wakes me up.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
It would be a lot easier to drink the recommended 64oz of water a day if it was beer.
I`m so sick and tired of my light weight friends who can`t handle their alcohol...Last night , they dropped me 3 times when carrying me out of the bar!
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
By thigh gap you mean the distance between the KFC and my mouth right.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(