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Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
A garbage disposal is just a device for finishing off all the food no one else in the house will eat.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.
The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.