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My New Year`s resolution is to spend more time wishing my enemies were dead.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
Nothing ruins hump day like not getting humped.
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
Don`t play dumb with me. That`s a game you can`t win.
It turns out that playing strip solitaire isn`t nearly as much fun as playing strip poker. Especially at work...
How much is appropriate to tip the police officer who opens the squad car door for you?
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
if your dirty, your dirty... you cant fix it
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.