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Oh my gosh! It`s a Hot Wheels car! Something you never want to hear during a prostate exam.
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
If you have a dog grooming business and it’s not called “Doggie Style” then something is wrong with you.
that moment when somebody calls your house phone and ask where you are
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
Time to be an adult and give up my bath time rubber ducky. I´m upgrading to the tugboat!
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
You can always tell if a guy masturbates a lot by looking at his hands. If you look closely, you’ll see a wedding ring.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.