Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
Note to Self: Next time I leave my wife a message that I`m in a threesome all afternoon, specify it`s golf.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
Ever wonder if the McDonalds logo is the letter "m" or just an image of your butt cheeks it will cause?
Dear Maytag: Why don`t your dryers have a Fold cycle? It`s 2018 for chrissake!
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
The difference between beer and your opinion is that I asked for a beer.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
Well I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair. I`d say my people skills are improving.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
Iām totally fine with favoritism as long as Iām the favorite.