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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
I think I might be bisexual. Because last night I had sex by myself.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
I`m smiling ... You should be scared.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.