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How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox. I was in my car self pleasuring. I accidentally honked like 8 times.
Life Tip: Tell your guests your house was just broken into and fake cry, they will clean it for free!
If things always went according to a plan…. life wouldn’t be interesting.
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
Irony: Asking God to help you on a science exam.
I haven`t crunched all the numbers, but early calculations show that a large percentage of people don`t care what you think.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
People should have to pass an IQ test to use the self-checkout section.
?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"