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I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I hate when the remote is way over there
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?
I went to the Dr today with severe headaches .. he asked if I suffered from any memory loss. I said "How the F would I know?"