Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I was young I dreamed of saving the world, now I just dream of making through each month.
My coworkers should be less concerned about my job performance and just be happy I remember to wear pants each day.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
They should make an app that tells me how many Oreos I can eat for every mile I jog.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
The only thing I hate worse than holding a girl`s purse is when it doesn`t match what I`m wearing.
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.