Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance…the five stages of me hitting the snooze button in the morning
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.
My brain contains a few things I should know and the rest is just song lyrics.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D