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PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
OK. So I danced like no one was watching. Anyone know a good lawyer?
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
The institutions won`t take me so I am all yours.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!