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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a videocamera you can usually film like 3 or 4 births before they throw you out.
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
About to stick a pin in your voodoo doll.... Brace yourself.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
Okay, enough procrastination. Time for excuses.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.
I can do 50-100 pushups depending on how many weeks you give me.