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Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
I just saved a ton of money on my car insurance! ..By driving away and not leaving a note.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.