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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
So they say that having to much sex can cause memory loss, which is just a little something I seem to remember reading in a Rolling Stone magazine once on page 64 paragraphs 3 through 5 while sitting on a park bench October 14th 2002 at 3:46 p.m
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
make little things count. teach midgets math.
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
I wonder if the girls on "16 and pregnant," will come back on "32 and a Grandma."
In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says "what the hell is that" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE!
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend