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I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
to do list: buy a parrot. teach the parrot to say, "Help!! I`ve been turned into a parrot!"
Calling someone "stupid" is mean. Unless they actually are. Then it`s just a diagnosis.
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.
i dont have drain bramage.