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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.
My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
Iām not stupid. Iām just too lazy to show how smart I am.
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
This patience thing takes forever.
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
thinks that life was a lot simpler when I thought girls had cooties, and getting to the bottom of the sandbox was a good day.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.