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If we all winked, laughed out loud, stuck out our tongues and blew kisses in real life as much as we do in texts...it would be very creepy.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
Upside to hurricanes... you might get a free boat delivered to your front yard.
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
I got a Rolex for my birthday from my lesbian friends. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.