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Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
Be careful who you call friends. I`d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
She asked me to make her feel special so I gave her a helmet and crayons.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
My friend said "hey that girl has a nice butt" I said "yes i bet she can sit down excellently "
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
I hope I die doing something extreme like climbing Mt. Everest or telling a woman I don`t like her new haircut.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.