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Everything you paid $50,000 to learn in college is now on the Internet for free.
I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
I like to think I`m special, because the thought of idiots like me existing in large numbers is f*cking terrifying.
Being normal? Ugh. I can`t imagine how awful that must be.
hey single people..tomorrow is officially `rebound day` after all the ridiculously high romantic expectations end in `epic fail`
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying