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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
Your family tree must look like a cactus........everybody on it is a pr!ck
I’ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn’t need my assistance, so I’m going back to bed.
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
You can tell a lot about a woman by how she slices brownies. For example: if she throws the knife at you, you should pick up some Midol.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.