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When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
Family and Friends - I am FAR too busy to listen to any of your problems or concerns *Googles do penguins go to heaven?*
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
You can either wear granny panties OR yoga pants - not both. Pick one.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2