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K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
Having a dirty mind makes simple conversation much more exciting!
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.
Research shows that 100% of the time when someone says “oh no she didn’t!” she most definitely did.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.