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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
I hate it when you`re buying stuff off the Internet and the bank calls to check to see if your card has been stolen. Sure, it seems nice, but then you have to explain to lady on the phone that no, it was not stolen, you really are the one who bought a subscription to bustyblondes.com
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."
anyone celebrating anything today? Anything at all... doesn`t matter what. I just need something to drink to.
Can I have your number or do you just want the 8 dollars for the drink?
Why do people always feel safe under blankets...its not like a murderer will break in and be like "I`M GONNA KILL YAA__AAHHHhhhh dang he is under a blanket.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
The corner of my bathtub is also referred to as "The Shampoo Bottle Graveyard"
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
Cheered myself up earlier by putting a "no U-turn" sign in a dead-end street.