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Just once I would like to read a warning label that says "May cause permanent weight loss, remove wrinkles, and increase energy."
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
It`s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get your sh!t together, every other vegetable.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
I have been delaying my computer updates an hour for the past 3 years.
Wake up, kids! Bees can`t even read, much less spell. IT`S A SCAM!
I don`t know if I`ve got some free time, or if I just forgot what the hell I`m supposed to be doing...
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they can`t laugh either.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.