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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
If my smartphone was so smart, then why it can`t do my math homework
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Tuna are probably pretty annoyed with how much we worry about catching dolphins in our tuna nets.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
If the shoe fits, buy it.
Can you shut up now?! Because talking to you sounds less appealing then playing leapfrog with unicorns.
Holy sh!t Karma, how much longer till we`re all squared up?