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Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
In wine there is wisdom. In beer there is strength. In water there is bacteria. You decide.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
The future was so much cooler in the past.
Life is like a burrito. If you fill it with too many things it falls apart and then you cry and they kick you out of Chipotle.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
Sorry I had to cancel for the 5th time in a row, I thought you would stop inviting me by now.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!