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This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.
There are over 10 different flavors of Ramen Noodles, yet they all taste like poverty and loneliness.
I chose the wrong fork in the road, took the road less travelled and got off the beaten path and now I don`t know where the hell I am.
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
I don`t even think it`s possible for a bear to cook porridge.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.