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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
I read in the Bible that people used to get stoned to death, that`s a lot of weed.
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
The best way to change a woman`s mind is to agree with her.
Dear McDonalds cashier, Don`t give me that look, there`s no age limit on a happy meal. Sincerely, don`t forget the toy b!tch.
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
Roger that command center, we have arrived at our destination and will commence countdown..............Sir this is McDonalds how may I help you
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."