Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Happy 1 year anniversary to the Lean Cuisine in my freezer!
I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
I`m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell