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Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
Any perfume that claims it will help you seduce a man is lying if it doesn’t smell like a pizza.
If you think you hate me now, wait till I start answering your rhetorical questions.
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
It`s ok, ghosts, no-one believes in me either.
This patience thing takes forever.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
I wish my life had background music so I could figure out what the hell is going on.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.