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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
There`s a word for people like you ... "leave"
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
I may hate waiting. But I love procastinating.
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
Women want a lot of things from one man. Conversely, men want one thing from a lot of women.
Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take, I`ll be watching you. - Dog
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
Filling out a job application. Under "Military Experience" I put that I once went commando for 4 days in a row.