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Anyone who believes that children are our future has not been to a mall recently.
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
"I got this." Translated: I most certainly do not have this, but prepare to be thoroughly entertained.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
Things that make women emotional- 1) sad movies 2) love stories 3) anything 4) everything
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
I’m not crazy just the voices are!
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.