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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin (asking for a friend)
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
Self-Checkout lanes were invented by a guy who was sent out to buy tampons.
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....