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The realization you`ve spoken too loudly when you exclaimed: " My Salad had NUTS!"
No one appreciates the special genius of your conversation like the dog does
I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.
Beach people are fickle. One minute you`re the loser with a bucket of cold fries and the next they`re terrified of the Lord of Seagulls.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?