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I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
Unlike milk, it is perfectly ok to cry over spilled whiskey.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
I give myself the best presents.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
Scientist Proved That There are more Than 124786534688644478 People Living In This world who are Too Lazy To Read The Above Number...!!!
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
Marriage teaches you forgiveness, compromise and tons of other things you wouldn`t need if you`d stayed single.
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.