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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
Gym Update: Not there.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
North West? Im confused i thought Kim Kardashian gave birth to a child not a compass
Just so I`m sure to make friends, I like to walk in the bar carrying a handful of phone chargers.
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
Admit it, we’ve all hidden our favorite food from the rest of our family.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol
I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.