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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
A fairy godmother but for breakups. She takes your phone and leaves alcohol and possibly your first cat.
Ran into the girl who broke my heart. Totally worth the damage to my car.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.