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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
Just completed a 0.00 mile run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
I always give my extra money to Charity. She is usually on the main stage around 11pm.
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
I would want to change my name to `Nobody` on Facebook. So when someone updates something stupid it says `Nobody likes this`
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on