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My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I`ll let you know
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
Lazy Rule#15325434090371466: you`re so lazy you didn`t even finish reading the number.
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
When the coffee stops working it is probably the right time to start drinking.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.