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I`m one more weekend on the couch away from being a throw pillow.
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
Maybe Mondays are not that bad. Maybe its your job that sucks balls.
My dog reacts to the vacuum cleaner the same way I react when my wife says "We need to talk".
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
I don’t just sing in the shower... I perform.
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Just saw a homeless dude with a sign reading "Hungry Hungry Hobo"... I shouldn`t laugh right?
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.