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Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
He died doing what he loved: telling me I`m overreacting.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if Iām not sure what it means
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
I`d get lost less frequently if GPS would say "no, your other left."
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!